Besides Christmas movies that rip off great premises of better films, there are a plethora of movies that use “magic” and this magic tends to involve a glimpse at an alternate reality, a la “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Though these movies are the most common and most highly tiresome and derivative form of Christmas made-for-TV movie, on occasion, one may actually be fun and entertaining. Unfortunately, the ABC Family original movie, “Holidaze” with Jennie Garth and Cameron Mathison is one of the most absolutely dull and unoriginal of the bunch.
It’s perfectly fine for a movie to be silly, but the most important rules should be to engage and entertain. “Holidaze” wasn’t silly, engaging, or entertaining; it was boring. The second most important rule is not to bore me or you will face my wrath.
Clearly, this film wanted to emphasize the importance of family, love, and possibly to de-emphasize materialism and self-interest. However, the production went about conveying this message in the most insulting way possible. This movie doesn’t just imply, but outright states that women cannot have their dream career and a family; plus, any woman choosing a career over life in a small town with limited opportunities is a cold, selfish, harpy.
Also, this is a Thanksgiving movie, not a Christmas movie. Do not offend me and then insult my intelligence: It’s called “25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family” not “25 Days of Whatever We Have Laying Around on ABC Family.”
Years ago, Melody (Jennie Garth) left Streetsville to work for a Wal-Mart-like corporation after dumping her fiancé, Carter (Cameron Mathison). Now, Melody is tasked with returning to her hometown right before Thanksgiving in order to sell the townspeople on erecting a new superstore. Obviously, her former fiancé is against it, but mostly because the corporation wants to knock down his bed and breakfast. The B&B is only significant because it once belonged to both Carter and Melody; it was supposed to be their operation as a couple.
During a scene at the B&B, after having not seen or spoken to Melody since their break-up years ago, Carter makes an “apt assessment” of her situation and tells Melody she is “starved,” both emotionally and physically. Also, he says that she is still “running” from…something. I realize I used a lot of quotation marks, but the sarcastic ones were necessary.
During this argument, Melody falls down the stairs and wakes up in an alternate reality where she is married to Carter, living in Streetsville, and running a small coffee shop. This is followed by what was supposed to be a series of comical scenes involving Melody running around in pajamas with crazy hair scaring her acquaintances and business associates from her other life. Crazy ladies be trippin’ and whatnot.
It is important to note that this alternate version of Melody’s reality is painted in the most positive light. She is not only living a better, more valuable life, but she is also a better person. I take issue with this, mostly because of the portrayal of her career-based, city life: though she has success, she supposedly lives an extremely shallow existence. Her friends are other single, city women: just like Melody, they drink, have casual sex, and…this is bad.
Clearly, we are supposed to root for her and Carter to get together, but if he is so great, why didn’t support her dreams? She left him and moved away for a two reasons and those reasons were that they had drastically different ideas about their futures and he was unsupportive.
In the end, the movie tries to reconcile one reality with another: Melody decides to stay in Streetsville, but in a confusing twist, still gets to keep her job, but it might be a different job at the same company (it was unclear). It was because she put the needs of others first that she got to keep her job, so I suppose we all learned something.
According to the logic of this movie, women are supposed to believe that careers aren’t as important as family and men (or love). In the history of film, I think there is only one movie that requires men to make the same judgment and I don’t think many people have seen it. Movies tend to sell the lie that there are two types of women: career women and mothers. It is disheartening to settle in for a carefree holiday film and get smacked over the head with base lies, gross generalizations, and lazy stereotypes. Guess what, “Holidaze”? Women can have careers, close familial relationships, and love all at once.
Speaking of gross generalizations and lazy stereotypes, I also didn’t appreciate the Asian music sting they added after a Chinese tourist came into Melody’s coffee shop asking for directions. What, no gong? What song do they play for Americans in bad Chinese films? Is it the sound of Twinkies gnashing between teeth and the harsh click of a blood glucose monitor being pressed into squishy flesh punctuated by a fart?
I hated this movie. I hated this movie because it was boring, because it was offensive, and because of the sheer laziness of its writers. Except for the portrayal of sex and sexual promiscuity, it was dull enough to be a Hallmark movie.
There are more graceful and less offensive ways to portray a successful woman who has forgotten to consider others before herself. I don’t think it’s asking much for a team of writers to be able to produce that, even for made-for-TV holiday schlock.
Do not watch this with your mother, daughter, sister, or any other female relatives. This is the bottom of the barrel – no: the bottom of the Christmas tree. For a more riveting feature, go rent the musical Yule Log from Netflix.
RATING: A Partridge in a Pear Tree out of 12 Drummers Drumming
The Cinema id 